December 5, 2009
I can’t believe it is ‘that time’ again — time to write the annual Christmas letter about the year past. This year has whizzed by too fast, and has been a difficult year, so this is a hard letter to write, especially if I want to keep it upbeat. It can all be summed up very consisely. My dear friend, Bill Giles, died in April; My Atrial Fibrilation has turned into a very serious and fragile heart/health battle still on going; I got a new, Extreme HomeEdition makeover of my upstairs bathroom so it is handicap friendly; and finally, got a 2nd English Bulldog, Willa, to help keep Coco company and play with her, since I surely can’t.
That’s the news in a nutshell. The rest is elaboration on a theme which you can read if you like or just skip to the end with season’s greetings and personal notes.
Last year’s letter ended on a cliff hanger about Bill. I was on the phone with him in W.Va. almost every day thru December as he finally talked himself into coming to Cincinnati instead of Florida for 2nd opinion doctor visits. I drove down and got him at the end of Dec and he stayed here til mid- Feb – almost 8 weeks. I was with him 24/7 during that time. He would proudly announce to one and all: “I’m Senile ” followed vehemently with―”but I don’t have Alzheimer’s!!” Besides Dr. visits and tests, our days were spent revisiting the past. We went to the Christ Church Boar’s Head festival that Bill sang in for over 15 years; attended every Cin Symphony concert (he loved the music and also loved criticizing/complaining about the conductors). At home he would sit listening to CD’s and conduct them as he read the vocal scores. We drove around Cincy visiting places where he lived and worked; saw old friends from years past, and we talked, and talked, & talked. In spite of some challenges handling his perceptions and temper, those days are very dear and precious to me now. When winter snows abated, I drove him back to W. Va. mid Feb for 6 weeks – & again was on the phone with him almost every day.
Then it was time to return to Cincy for his final Neurology testing on April 1. He was told “You do have a dementia of the Alzheimer’s type” The fire and anger in his eyes was unbelievable. He knew he would never again be in control of his own life. He always said, if he had Alz. he would die, not extend his life to endure that indignity. And so, 10 days later, he took his last breaths at my home. I could not cry, — He went out the way he wanted on his own terms and by his own will, even tho it stated Aortic Stenosis with viral complications as the cause of death, scientifically.
Sue and Daniel came up here immediately for almost a week before they drove on to Hamlin to be with Michael and wrap things up both personally and legally in W. Va. May thru June I was involved with Sue in Florida transitioning all the years of my Power of Atty records over to her Executrix status. I am sorry to say, some of that is still ongoing because, with my health, I simply do not have the energy or stamina to handle all the business I used to do so quickly without a thought. Now the pace is glacial.
It was fun and relaxing to attend May Festival, the 4 operas in June and July, and have 2 visits out to my Indiana Camp thru July 4. But the let down after over a year of intense stress was beginning to set in and my health started falling apart in July. Paul built an extension onto my back porch which I used mightily this year, and then ripped out my upstairs bathroom down to the bricks and studs. It is rebuilt with Spanish tile, imported Italian wallpaper, new environmentally friendly commode and tub with grab bars – all designed for ‘elderly’ safety which I now need.
It is hard to describe the intense fatigue, the exhaustion, the lack of stamina intrinsic with Atrial Fib. I felt progressively worse thru August, with only a few good days; wisely cancelled my Labor Day trip to camp and one week later ended up in cardiac ICU – for 6 days. It sounds weird, but those 6 days in hospital were ‘wonderful’. I could just lie there, not move a muscle and have everybody wait on me hand and foot. After taking care of Bill, and worrying about other people for so many years, I just luxuriated in receiving care. Mid September until now has been a slow and frustrating climb back to some semblence of ‘normal’, tho I still have a long way to go. It is like riding a roller coaster or walking a tight rope. The key is keeping the Rate and Rhythm of the heart Regular. If the heart is RRR, I slowly improve. If I have an AF episode, it is a setback that can put me back in bed. While I still go to Symphony and some other events, all activity is very carefully planned and limited.
The first question everyone asks is “Can’t you get a pacemaker?” No, this is an ‘electrical’ problem in the heart and at least for now is best controlled by medication. The trick is to find the right medication, and the right amount for me to be effective with fewest side effects. We are still working on it. I guess that is my cliff hanger for this year. Hopefully I will have a positive outcome to report next Christmas.
And finally, my new Bulldog [born June 6, 2008]. The last Sunday in August [8/30/09] (a good day) Annette drove out with me to Adams County and I got a white purebred English Bulldog. 15 months old (now 18 mo) She is still, in so many ways, a puppy — all 60 pounds of her. Poor dog. I got her spayed 10 days later, then 3 days after that I was in hospital for 6 days. The dogs just stayed here at the house and wonderful friends stopped in 3 or 4 times a day to let the dogs out. Her first month here was a very confusing time for her. But she is now settling in; she and Coco have worked out their relationship and hierachy; and everybody is happy. I have had so many lol moments as well as their loving comfort and companionship curled up with me on the kitchen bed/couch where I have needed to spend so much of my time.
And so it is December and Christmas once again. Paul has put up a simple version of my outside light display; his wife Claire helps me 2 or 3 times a month with needed daily tasks and will help me put up my indoor Christmas decoration and I intend to thoroughly enjoy the season. My Christmas gift for everyone is a calendar of my photography from years past (no way can I shop stores, and I don’t do internet). I hope to get that done soon, along with all my cards and letters that I send. But if I do not get finished with my cards before Dec 25, OH WELL!! When they do get to you they will have been done with much thought and love for each of you and with truly sincere wishes not only for the season, but also for the year to come. Having lost many dear friends this year, my strongest wish is for you to have a healthy year ahead of you and be here for Christmas next year.