August 7, 2000
July seemed like any other month in the planning — a trip to camp over the 4th; work at Bill’s the next weekend, then go to Rasor Reunion the 16th; plan and execute the Phi Beta Flea Market/Yard Sale at town hall week of the 22nd and end the month with a wonderful trip to Chicago area to visit Marienne Skinner and spend my Birthday (70th) seeing Sue, the dinosaur at the Field Museum; Pharoahs of the Sun exhibit at Art Institute of Chicago in the afternoon, followed by dinner and going to Ravinia to see Chicago Symphony with 3 rising stars: violin play Prokofiev; Cello play Shostakovich; Piano, Rachmaninoff #3.
Then drive home Monday July 31 and spend August putting MY life back together after working on Bill’s stuff for the last 7 months.
What I did not plan on was all the ‘stuff’ that went on around that skeleton that has served to change the direction of my life in many ways.
First was the series of 4 deaths in 10 days from July 23 to Aug 2:
#1. Aunt Evelyn Brown, wife of my Uncle Glenn died July 23. She had Alzheimers and had been in the nursing home in Eaton Ohio. I had a long talk with Francis Brown, her son (my cousin) the week before I went to the Rasor reunion. It was a real shock when Francis called me at 4:30 Monday. I was trying to get 6 days worth of books and bills done for both Bill and Me before I left for Chicago Thurs Morn. Monday had been a day of nothing but phone interruptions and requests to do stuff from people and I was getting very frustrated. So when Francis called, I spontaneously said “Oh, Shit!”. “What did you say??” he asked!! I apologized and explained and then was happy to hear the viewing was Wed Eve, the funeral Thurs. Morn, so It did not interfere with pre-made and prepaid Chicago plans.
I immediately called Bill Giles and asked him to come in Tues by noon and help me get ready so I could leave by Wed. 3PM. which he very graciously did. He intercepted calls, cooked meals, took the dogs to College Hill and West Chester, ran errands to the bank, Pete’s, got gas in the car ready to go, etc. etc. I NEVER would have made it without his wonderful help. During that time, I managed to do all the books and bills, wash clothes and pack to go. I picked up a flower planter arrangement for Glenn for Evelyn and drove to Dayton, staying at Bruce and Miriam Shue’s home for the nite. At the viewing I saw Glenn, Ronnie, Francis and Doris, Connie and Warren and their daughter. Francis’ 2 sons and their families were there. I got to talk with Cary and Lindsay; also saw Gary Brown and his son Ronnie Lee. The funeral service was 30 minutes of one preacher talking non-stop; then we went to the graveyard for the short graveyard service. I stopped by Arlington Cemetery to view the Hunt/Munier graves and Bruce showed me the grave nearby where Norman Shue, who had died last Dec. was laid to rest. After lunch with the Shues, I drove to Rockton.
My drive home Monday (8 hours with 6 1/2 of that actual driving 420 miles) was OK except for the almost 2 1/2 hours driving in the pouring rain. That made for hard driving, but my new car drove like a dream! On arrival home, I had 8 messages on the phone to go thru. In one of them I learned that:
#2. Shirley McIntire had died Tues Night, July 25/6. I had left town before I heard and was just as glad it happened that way. With most of Chicago activities prepaid, I had no choice but to go on as planned. I thoroughly enjoyed the wonderful weekend — a very memorable CRH 70th birthday Day and Weekend; had I know beforehand, I would have fretted the unresolvable conflict the whole time. Finding out afterward caused me consternation to have missed her visitation and wake to mourn and honor this very dear friend of mine, but, as Mac said, you just can’t plan these things and take them as they come.
I sent a personal note to Mac and a donation to Drama Workshop Scholarship Fund in Shirley’s name.
#3. Then at 11:00 AM on Tuesday, I got a call from Dorothy Carey in Dayton, my cousin on my father’s side. Her sister, Hazel, had just died. I appreciated the call, but did not know Hazel that well and sent Dorothy and Irene, her 2 sisters, a card and personal note each. Well, that makes 3 doesn’t it. That should be it. But it wasn’t.
#4. In Thursday morning paper, it was announced that John Ahrens, son of Dottie and John Ahrens of Immanuel Presby Church, had died of Pancreatic Cancer. He was 42-46 years old. By this time, it is getting a bit much for me.
Gigi and Andrew: Georgette Libunau and Andrew Martyniuk, my two students who have sort of ‘adopted’ me, planned to take me out to dinner Tues, Aug 1 for my Birthday. Gigi called and was sick so she canceled out with proviso we have lunch later in the month together. Lots to talk about then: That Keith had interviewed for a job with Duke Construction and was offered a big job – $26,000 raise, they will take over their newly purchased house, move them to Atlanta and buy them a house there. All this to transpire in the next 6 months. But that means that Gigi will be gone out of my life. Her care, concern and love really has meant a lot to me; and I will miss it greatly. Additionally, Andrew (who is newly divorced from his Japanese wife) is also likely to relocate during this coming year to Sacramento Calif. — That is another very wrenching loss. Andrew came over Tues and helped me with my computer and taught me how to write/copy a CD. He wrote a Ukrainian folk song CD that he had. Then we went out to dinner at Friday’s. A wonderful evening of talk and discussion. Damn I will miss sharing time with this most intelligent man. Losing Gigi and Andrew over this next year will definitely be a negative.
TDW Board was Wednesday night (8/2) and as usual spending the evening with Cheri Misleh was both physically and more emotionally draining. I sure hope I can last the year with that woman. When she insisted that she share the BVA seminars with me, I thought I would die, but had no other choice.
Thom Frushour called me Thurs and they were leaving for camp from Toledo, so I went out to camp Sat morning, visited a couple of hours with them; and then used the time to start work on It/T LM-V VIII roll of film – cataloging it and identifying it. Finished it by Sunday, when I came home by 2 because of the rain. Thom and Mary Kay left Sat nite because of the rain, but gave me the oil painting “Bassman” that I purchased from him for $300. However, Sunday late afternoon was the coup de Grace in all this negative turn of events in my life. First, Susan Giles called me to apologize for the way she talked to me last month when I answered the phone in Martinsville. We chatted superficially while Bill was finishing up something on the deck he wanted to do, and I knew something was wrong from her tone of voice. She just wanted to talk to Bill – and that was fine with me — no problem. I did not need an apology, but it was wonderful to hear the whole story about her attitude then and what was going on with her. NOW her attitude and tone of voice was completely different —- upbeat, positive, assured, happy — exactly what I have always hoped and wanted Suse to be as a person from the time she was in college. Instead she always seemed drawn inward, reserved, perhaps unsure of herself. She has been working with a new therapist (about #4) for the last year and a half; and this has made all the difference in her and who she is. She spent a week at a ‘therapy camp’ in Penn. the week of July 22-29. She likened it to going thru major surgery on her personality. They did lots of exploring of personality, past family and personal issues, did roleplaying, etc. etc. We had a wonderful 45 min conversation. It dredged up for me what I went thru as I worked thru the issues with my father (and mother) and the issues I had to resolve regarding Bill. I was so absolutely thrilled for Suse that she had done all this, and at the same time, from time to time was fighting back tears of emotion. It was a very gut wrenching conversation with Suse, but so wonderful at the same time. I remember, when Sue was 11, and we were driving home from our trip west in 1974. We were on the long boring section of highway through Kansas. She was leaning against the left door of the ‘fire chicken’ musing — “You know, Carolyn, When I grow up, I want to be just like you. A woman that is strong and independent, and knows what she wants –etc, etc.” I always wanted Susan to be that woman, but never saw it until last night in our conversation. Finally it was there. She had kicked Andy out, and finally she had also divested herself of the demons that Bill (as her father) infused within her. My father’s negative tapes still come back to me, but I remember them objectively with disdain having purged them from my inner soul. Sue seemed to have done the same thing with the negative tapes that Bill has instilled within her over the years. This of course is not something lost, but something gained; however it is still highly charged emotionally and invokes a change of direction in life; while it is primarily for Susan, it is, in a sense for me, too.
And then Annette Roth called (while I was on the line with Susan). When I called her back the final shoe in this ‘life change’ dropped. Ann Marie Koukios had resigned as choir director for Westwood 1st Presby Church on Thurs Aug 3. This last year was not a real good one for Ann Marie at the church. Ron and Lowella Storeker (or however ever you spell it!) and Mike Chance have been controlling things more and more; Ann Marie was forced to dig out and use a bunch of simple old war horse anthems instead of the new challenging stuff she had been using over the previous 4 years; they have been working on the floor, etc of the choir room for over a year; the organ is still not fixed; sometimes she and Steve & Cinda do not see eye to eye. In the meantime, Ann Marie is held in high esteem nationally for choral conducting, attending and in some cases participating in workshops and seminars in Calif, Oregon, Detroit, etc. etc. Her husband, Evan can work anywhere with his computer business. So she sees this as a time to get out and move upward and onward. She is around 45-50 and at the top of her game. Time to extricate herself from the petty provincialism of Westwood First. This is a real positive for her. But for Annette and me, it poses a real life changing problem. No way will we go back to Westwood first under some lesser director. The question now is where DO we GO from here. This will take some real research and consideration.
And so, 4 deaths in the last 10 days;, the impending loss of Gigi and Andrew, and the loss of my nice safe church choir with all its wonderful musical contacts added to my empathically emotional response to Susan’s positive leap forward in her personal quest and to the happy fun I experienced with Marienne Skinner on my memorable 70th Birthday in Chicago has really left me emotionally drained; happy yet mourning my losses; a bit trepedatious about what the future holds. From the time I broke my arm in July, 1999 until now, my life has been positive, productive, healthy and stable. I knew it could not last. Hopefully this will not all be too bad; will only be a mere bump in the road that leads on to bigger and better things. I still have Glenn, Bill, Paul, Liz, Annette, Marienne; Lynn Klahm promises to keep in touch, Phi Beta and Pam; and TDW (if I can stand Cheri for 10 more months.) This brings me up to date effective Monday eve. August 7, 2000.
#5. August 9, 2000. Learned today that Mary Lou Koehl, with whom I taught at Courter Tech, died in St. Louis and funeral is Fri. Aug. 11 at Lutheran Church in Reading. She taught Phys Ed. at Courter and was in “our crowd” of close friends that always ate lunch together. Rose Calloway, Tom Grooms, Delores Miles, Mary Lou Koehl, Cecelia Johnson and I were at the core of this group; our friendship and contacts continued long after Courter Tech closed down. Tom and I are continuing close friends, Delores Miles died about the mid 90’s, Cecelia Johnson and I still exchange Xmas cards. Only Rose has drifted away. We all used to get together every couple of years all thru the 70’s and 80’s; especially when Cecelia would come home from Guam. Cecelia now lives in San Diego, Calif; Mary Lou moved away to St. Louis area to be near her daughter Pam and her family around 20 years ago. Bill and I went to visit her in Loveland before she moved and once in St. Louis in the 80’s on one of our trips west. Mary Lou and I faithfully corresponded every Xmas all thru the years. Is it ironic that as I reach a landmark older year — 70 — I have a spate of 5 deaths within a 2 week period????
Makes you think.